Monday, February 19, 2018

Fat chance these cops will catch any criminals

The NYPD is the world's largest police department - in more ways than one.

According to a report in the New York Post, the number of chubbers on the beat has rocketed in recent years.

A source tells the paper: “We’re the fattest police department in the country - because we have no requirement to stay in shape.”

Some cops are terrified that their out-of-shape colleagues won’t be able to provide backup in physically demanding situations — even if they don’t keel over from the exertion.

“If you have a 300-pound partner who can’t even run up a flight of stairs. … it’s dangerous for everybody,” one cop said.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Research into cats just purr-fect for awards


Have you ever wondered whether playing the digeridoo can stop you snoring or if cats are liquid or solid?

If so, you may be interested in the new Ig Nobel Prize spoof awards, which were held in Cambridge, Massachusets last week.

The awards, which also considered research into how holding a crocodile influences gambling, are the brainchild of Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research.

According to Abrahams, the Ig Nobels are intended not to honour the best or worst in science, but rather to highlight research that encourages people to think in unusual ways.

“We hope that this will get people back into the habits they probably had when they were kids of paying attention to odd things and holding out for a moment and deciding whether they are good or bad only after they have a chance to think,” declared Abrahams.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Parents buy their kids good grades

American kids who are stressed out by their mountain of homework need no longer worry - their rich parents are paying hard-up graduates to do the work for them.

An investigation in the New York Post reveals mums and dads are willing to lash out large sums of money just to get their children an "A".

One Northern New Jersey mother tells the Post she paid a Columbia engineering student $1,500 to do her high-school son’s physics assignment.

Explains one dad who bought his daughter a good grade: “She's a hard worker, but she was incredibly stressed out and stretched thin. I don’t believe that homework assignments necessarily groom you for success.”

Friday, May 13, 2016

Foul-mouthed priest sparks unholy row

Good Heavens! An Irish American priest who turned the air blue with a series of foul-mouthed outbursts is now being sued  by outraged teaching colleagues.

Father Michael Reilly, headmaster of St Joseph by-the-Sea high school in New York,  is said to have repeatedly used the word “f**k” and racially abused a black colleague, according to a 12 page lawsuit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court.

The cleric is also alleged to have called women "tw*ts" and “bitches”.

In the suit, filed by three teachers, Father Reilly is accused of, “unleashing a constant stream of rude, crude and inappropriate remarks including saying the word f**k in almost every sentence in some form.”

An Archdiocese spokesman  called the lawsuit “absurd”.

 It may or may not be absurd but Father Reilly also has low rankings on website “Rate my Teacher,” with students describing him as “stubborn” and “biased.”

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Taxi owner delivers fare rental price

Falling asleep in one yellow New York cab won't leave you hugely out of pocket. That's because its owner has deliberately converted it into a guest room.

The taxi hotel, which will set punters back $69 a night, is one of several unique rentals that are appearing on website Airbnb.

The owner of the taxi, known only as Jonathan, also advertises a Chevy van  which goes for $39 a night.

The listing claims:  "This Taxi has been renovated into a swanky living quarters! It was in service since 2002 driving New Yorkers up and down the busy manhattan streets!

"From actors to real estate tycoons, the cab drove thousands of people around the bustling streets. Now for the first time its parked. Don’t worry the meter is not running. Sleep in this Cozy One-of-a-kind NYC Taxi Van."

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

In for a penny - American coin collector splashes out

Look after the pennies and the pounds (and dollars) will look after themselves.

A Beverly Hills rare coin dealer has just purchased a 1792 American penny for nearly $2.6 million (1.7 million pounds), the most ever paid for a one-cent piece at auction.

Named after its engraver, Robert Birch, the so-called "Birch Cent" was among the first pennies struck for the United States, part of a series of prototype coins.

There are believed to be only ten left in existence and coin collector Kevin Lipton reckons his coin is in the best condition of the lot.

"I felt elated, just wonderful," said Lipton. "This was a really good buy."

Lipton wasn't finished there though. So excitedwas he with his purchase, that the next day he spent another $2,232,500 for the “Wright quarter,” America’s first quarter.

“For 26 cents,” he said, “I spent $4.8 million.”

Friday, December 12, 2014

Fear of flu vaccines could be damaging to your health

A warning to Americans - paranoia might be damaging to your health. More than 40% of our transatlantic cousins still believe the myth that flu vaccines can give you the flu, according to a new survey.

And even correcting that misconception might not convince them to get the vaccine, it is suggested.

“It is absolutely biologically impossible to get the flu from the vaccine,” said Dr. Gregory A. Poland, a professor of medicine at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, who studies the immunogenetics of vaccine response.

But his words will probably fall on deaf ears. Perhaps Americans should listen though - the flu still kills up to 30,000 Americans each year.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Lego lapdancers cause controversy

Parents will probably want to keep their kids away from the latest Lego creation - it's an adult strip club.

The set, produced by Citizen Brick, includes four minifigures and a club with zebra-print couches and a pole.

And just like a real night out at an exotic dance joint, the entertainment doesn't come cheap: The whole Lego set costs $275.

Citizen Brick owner Joe Trupia boasts he's sold a few hundred so far. The company has been customising Legos since 2010. It produced a popular "Breaking Bad"-like set last year.

"We're fanatically doing things that Lego wouldn't do," explains Trupia.

Friday, November 21, 2014

On yer bike! Angry cyclist lands himself in hot water at Taco Bell

A cyclist who tried to order food from a drive-in takeaway joint somehow managed to land himself in jail.

Gabriel Harris, 33, was furious when he and his female companion were refused service at the Florida Taco Bell because they were both on bikes.

When the pair refused to leave, staff phoned 911. And when cops arrived Harris was still on his bike ranting into the menu speaker.

As police were asking Harris to leave, one officer spotted a red Swiss Army knife on Harris’ belt loop and tried to reach for it.

The suspect allegedly grabbed the officer’s wrist, which led to a tussle. Harris was wrestled to the ground and handcuffed, suffering a scraped forehead in the process, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.

Harris was booked into Volusia County Branch Jail and charged with resisting arrest with violence. He was released on $1,000 bond, but only after posing for his mug shot with a huge frown on his face.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Sozzled mum gets kid to drive her

Jessica Mathiau had a strict no drinking and driving policy - so when she got sozzled, she made her kid do the driving for her instead.

Unfortunately for her, police didn't appreciate the plan and the Vermont housewife was charged with child endangerment.

According to cops, Mathiau was highly intoxicated, and totally incapable of driving her car.

She may have been drunk. while seated in the passenger seat, but police say Mattiau at least had the presence of mind to activate the car's emergency brake numerous times in the middle of traffic.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Female intruder's romantic gesture goes up in smoke

Santa Claus isn't the only one who tries to go down the chimney. A California woman tried to sneak down a chimney to surprise a man she had met online.

Unfortunately, things didn't go to plan for Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, who got stuck and had to be rescued by firefighters.

The hapless intruder, 30, was left covered from head to toe in soot as a team of firemen took the chimney apart brick by brick.

Her intended secret rendezvous was witnessed by scores of neighbours who were quickly alerted by her loud screaming and the presence of fire engines.

The team of ten firefighters spent two hours extracting the woman, pulling her out with straps after lubricating the chimney interior with dish soap. She was then taken to a hospital for observation.

Nunez-Figueroa was later arrested for illegal entry. It isn't clear whether the home owner she was visiting asked her for a second date.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Man shoots bear who tried to steal his dog's dinner

It isn't just burglars that home owners have to look out for in Florida. An Orlando man shot and killed a giant 400-pound black bear after it broke into his house two nights in a row to get to a bag of dog food.

"I felt in danger enough that since it wouldn't leave I had to shoot it," said Victor Peters.

He may have saved his mutt's dinner but Peters could be in trouble - killing a bear in Florida is illegal.

The Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation is investigating the incident and could hand over the case to prosecutors next week.

In the meantime, Peters has learned something from the episode - he no longer leaves out his dog's food on the outside porch.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Man sues over 'dud' sex pills

By guest columnist Cleland Thom
A man who bought pills to boost his sex life is suing the manufacturers because they don’t work.

Trevor Dixon, from Inglewood, California spent $50 on Magna-RX after seeing claims it would … ‘promote maximum male enhancement and massive, pulsating, explosive pure manhood to his love life.’

He admits he ‘read, believed and relied on’ the information on the label.

But now he says the claims were false. It’s not clear how he found out.

He is also angry that the product was called ‘Dr Aguilar’s Original’ – apparently endorsed by George Aguilar, a doctor who has treated over 70,000 patients with erectile problems.

In fact Magna-RX has no connection with Dr Aguilar, who runs a small clinic in Mexico and isn’t licensed to practise in the US.

Now Mr Dixon has risen to the occasion and is suing the manufacturers under Californian consumer and advertising laws.

The question now is: will it stand up in court?

Cleland Thom runs the New York Tabloid Internship, in conjunction with Manhattan News

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Botched marriage proposal becomes YouTube hit


It should have been a wonderfully romantic gesture. Instead, however, a young man's attempted marriage proposal has become the toast of YouTube.

Love struck Shane tried to pop the question to his girlfriend as they sat on a paddle boat with pals. But things went spectacularly wrong after she playfully hit his arm — and he dropped the expensive engagement ring into the water.

The YouTube video shows Shane slowly paddling with a group of friends on the Wisconsin River outside of Muscoda, Wis.

He suddenly asks his girlfriend, Cheri, to look over at four people standing on the shore, holding up signs that reads: 'Will you marry me?' With the ring held between his thumb and index finger, he goes to propose.

Before he can do so, she inadvertently knocks the jewelry out of his hands — and straight into the water.

'Oh, my God!' Shane repeatedly says as he desperately scrabbles around to try and find the band.

Covering her mouth with her hands, Cheri then starts to sob before the video cuts out.

So far, the video has been watched millions of times. And Shane has decided to make his next proposal on dry land.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Catchy slogans are the talk of the town

By guest columnist Cleland Thom
Some places are going to town on their branding - by using trademarked slogans to attract visitors. Or should that be to keep them away?

Las Vegas’ slogan should certainly attract anyone out for a good time:

Las Vegas: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

And Hershey, Pennsylvania, definitely sounds worth a visit:

Hershey: the sweetest place on earth

Others are more obscure, like this one:

Eagle Pass, Texas: Where yee-hah meets Ole

Whereas Newport, Oregon has a more limited appeal: Newport: the Dungeness crab capital of the world

And some are plain weird:

Marshall, Missouri: Smart dog, nice folks.

I can live with the nice folks. Not so sure about the smart dog, though. Even though it might be the talk of the town.

Cleland Thom is director of CTJT, who run Manhattan News’ Tabloid Internship

Monday, October 6, 2014

Teen calls police to break up his own party

A teenager was so horrified at his own party that he called in police to break it up.

The youth from Seattle took advantage of his parents going on holiday to host the bash.

But things quickly got out of control, with guests slurping beer, smoking drugs and getting violent.

When the guests smashed down a neighbours fence, the teenager decided enough was enough and phoned the local constabulary.

Asked about the troublemakers, Bonney Lake Police spokesman Rob Hoag said: "It was not their first rodeo."

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Lawyer dissects Disney movie for his kids

By guest columnist Cleland Thom
Forget about wanting to see wholesome family entertainment. When Washington Attorney Kenneth D. Kronstadt took his two daughters to the movies to watch The Little Mermaid, he used it as a lesson in family law.

Kronstadt, a high-flyer with Kelley Drye & Warren LLP, took issue with the legalities of the popular film.

He said: "Ariel was 16 when she agreed to be bound. As a minor, she was not capable of contracting under California law.

"Second, in order to prevent Ariel from succeeding, Ursula sabotages Ariel’s attempts to win Eric’s love, thereby frustrating the purpose of the contract and/or providing Ariel with a gift-wrapped fraud defense. Ursula obviously never intended to honor her bargain with Ariel."

It’s not clear if Kronstadt intends to charge Ariel $700 an hour to represent her. Or if he’ll be seeking a warrant for the arrest of the man who shot Bambi.

Cleland Thom is director of CTJT, who run Manhattan News’ Tabloid Internship

Monday, September 29, 2014

New Divorce Hotel takes the stress out of break ups

Isn't it romantic? An American resort famous for its lavish weddings will now serve as the venue for 'Divorce Hotel' — a business that promises couples a painless split in an idyllic setting.

For a $5,000 fee, feuding couples are put up in separate rooms at Saratoga Springs’ luxury Gideon Putnam Resort for a weekend and work with a mediator to finalise the details into a signed agreement.

'Practically, they are divorced after signing on Sunday,' founder Jim Halfens explains. 'After signing, all work is done and we send it to a judge who only puts a stamp on it to make it official.'

Halfens expects to start up his services at the end of September.

He believes the main clientele will be New Yorkers looking for a speedy split — but any US citizens can participate as long as they agree to use the provided mediators and lawyers.

Hotel boss Rob Sgarlata adds: 'People want to get into an environment that minimises the stress of the situation and that's exactly what we offer.'

Since weddings will also be held at the same time as some of the divorce negotiations, Sgarlata says the hotel will keep the milestones separate.

'We would be sensitive to having them in different parts of the hotel,' he says.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Lawyer faces disciplinary action over phony celebrity pics

Not many people get the chance to mingle with celebrities like Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and George Clooney.

Los Angeles attorney Svitlana Sangary doesn't either so she did the next best thing - superimposing images of herself into numerous celebrity photographs posted on her website's "publicity" page.

A judge was unimpressed with her antics and Sangary could now have her law license suspended after a state bar investigation.

In an 18-page decision, Judge Donald Miles recommended she be suspended for six months and remain on probation for another 2-1/2 years for deceptive advertising and misconduct stemming from an investigation of the photos.

"This court finds that many, and perhaps all, of these photos were created by taking original celebrity photos and then overlaying respondent's image in order to make it appear as though (she) was in the presence of that celebrity," Judge Miles wrote in his opinion.

He said the photos, posted beginning in December 2012, "were part of an advertisement and solicitation for future work ... and they were false, deceptive and intended to confuse, deceive and mislead the public." Sangary has denied the allegations.

Sangary declined to comment on the ruling but suggested she was in a position to pose for pictures with prominent people through her political and philanthropic connections.

"Nothing in my life is more valuable to me than realisation of the fact that I was able to come all the way from being an impoverished kid in Ukraine to a major political and charitable donor in California, and able to socialise and take pictures with the people I've always admired," she said.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Home owners threatened by hack attack

By guest columnist Cleland Thom
It's a pain when someone hacks your email account or your credit card.

But how about if they hacked your whole house? A Florida law firm has warned it's more likely than you think.

In the future, they say, hackers could flood your house or even set fire to it, with just a few clicks of their keyboard.

Berger Singerman's warning came after tech firm Nest announced a programme that allows you to control your domestic appliances via the internet.

You can programme an alarm wake you up when the light and temperature suit you best, warn you if there's a gas leak, or tell your garage you're on your way home, so it opens its doors, ready for your arrival.

It works by using your central heating controls as a communications hub.

Lawyer Andrew M Hinkes said: 'There's a possibility of someone tampering with the controls.

'Maybe a hacker could start a fire by tampering with your clothes dryer, flood your home by attacking your water heater, or commandeer your Mercedes Benz and disable its computer system.

'A hacker / burglar combination could probably figure out when you leave your home by tracking your car, or determine when you are sleeping by monitoring your heart rate. These are serious dangers that bring up serious questions.'

So be warned. Next time you turn up your central heating, remember: the whole of cyberspace could be watching ...

Cleland Thom is director of CTJT, who provide lifestyle journalism courses